Are you happy with your life?
07.06.2025 20:33
No I’m not happy with my life. My life itself is a curse that’s for sure.
I was supposed to go to an industrial training program during the 3rd year. But the college’s incompetent staff handed me a wrongly printed application which even I didn’t understand that it wasn’t properly presented. The people at the training center rejected my application because of this. My father was also suffering from pneumonia at that time. He and I myself were misguided by some people we knew about my training. Those people started scaring me how I would be sent to an odd location for training and how I would be harrassed everywhere I go and they can solve my issue just by taking some money from us. Fortunately I found a place just near my house from where I learnt basic AutoCad and electrical design training. That was the first time I realized that I could have done many things very easily in life but because of the people around me including my parents, my decision-making and focus in life got screwed up. My father ultimately died in 2018 and I realized that I haven’t learnt a single thing in engineering. So I decided to go for other jobs instead. I did start my work life as a content writer and ultimately gained experience and knowledge in both academic and online SEO writing.
I don’t know if I will be able to get a job now. And I don’t plan to continue moving on if that doesn’t happen. But I don’t have any emotions like love or care for anyone anymore. All I have in my mind is anger and revenge. In fact, I’m convinced that I will always have enemies in life but never friends or lovers. I just want to meet God and destroy Them if possible. I don’t like this planet and how nature works. I find everything around me to be the creation of a sadistic God.
My next school was another hell hole as it was filled with spoiled kids from rich families and I was the only one from a rather middle class background. Due to two years of physical torture I couldn’t write properly due to my hands always shaking. But my father never showed me any empathy and always shouted at me as to why my handwriting is so bad. For some reason, I faced a lot of bullying from both teachers and students in that school. My father blamed me for being an introvert and not understanding jokes to be the reason why I am being a target. Later on my performance in studies started degrading. My father forced me to go to multiple tutions which killed my time to self study at home. Ultimately I failed in class 9 back in 2010. Later my father found that the school’s principal decided to make a large number of students fail on purpose by bribing all teachers. Some of my most horrible bullies ended up in jail after that time due to their crimes. Again my father learned about all this from other people which calmed his anger towards me.
My parents were never really the best parents in the world. In fact, they always seemed to have a lot of apathy towards me for no reason. My father was always rude to me and always harrassed and bullied me at home. He didn’t want to understand why I was getting beaten up in class for no reason and supported the teacher because according to him teachers are always right. It was later when my late grandfather (my father’s father) talked some sense into his son by telling him whether I was having any vision related issues or not. Then he found out that I was suffering from short sightedness due to which my father reluctantly had to buy me glasses which I still have to use even now. He still didn’t say anything against the teacher until some other person who’s child also studied in that school told him how horribly his daughter was being tortured by that monster. This led to my father forcing me to change schools despite the school principal throwing out the teacher and requesting my father to let me stay here.
My parents used to love astrologers for some reason. They decided that I should study science in high school and later in engineering in college since some astrologers told them that this was right for me. But my performance in my new school (from where I ultimately passed out) said something else. I got commerce after the class 10 board exams which angered my father a lot. I was forced to leave commerce and then join the science class which only led to another setback. I found science extremely difficult but still managed to pass somehow. Then in engineering I was the butt of jokes for everyone. I was bullied so horribly that sometimes the fights would turn murderous. Fortunately nobody lost their life. But I was forced to always hide from my own classmates and often skip classes. I was never a science nerd and never really understood the things I was learning in engineering. The only things I understood maybe were basic electrical dc and ac machines and calculations regarding them and some software (forgot its name) which can be used to estimate electrical tariff rates. And I sucked at programming a lot.
Now you might think whether I never communicated properly with my parents. But this was never the case. My parents always prioritized what others said to them instead of what their own son has to say. As if I just never mattered to anyone. Everyone treated me as if I’m some useless comedic character in Indian movies or just some loser. And look right now I am a loser. It’s as if their curses came true lol.
I never watched movies but now I don’t know why but this song related to me a lot.
It’s lyrics are just what my mindset is like right now.
Live From: 125th U.S. Open Championship Final Qualifying - Metropolitan Golf Association
Edit: For some reason God loves to torture me and make me fail. My eyesight suddenly got blurry at a young age. My memorizing and problem solving capabilities were very good when I was a child. But those slowly declined with time for some reason. I was growing taller than most children during my teenage years. But my growth suddenly slowed down when I was 15 and everyone who was shorter than me grew taller. I don't know maybe God really wants to destroy me for some reason.
Edit: My ex girlfriend used to bully and harrass me every time we were on the streets or dating somewhere. She would say things like “you are always a victim and will always be”. She even disrespected my dead father in front of my mom just for fun. And my father wasn’t actually like this from the start. He himself often felt inferior when his more successful friends and relatives would show how RICH they are even though my father wasn’t poor himself. He would always compare his life with that of others. And I had to bear the result of all of their frustrations. I daily curse people and even God and wait to see how they will suffer.
I’m also developing addictions now despite always being a fitness freak. I can’t enjoy watching youtube videos without moving on to watch porn. It’s as if something is controlling my actions. After my father didn’t allow me to pursue a career as a fitness trainer (since according to him I don’t understand sports and have asthma so I should be a weak nerd kid) I lost all enthusiasm in exercising. Now I’m leading a rather unhealthy lifestyle.
US Steel workers see hope of job security in deal with Japan’s Nippon - Financial Times
I don’t know how to start explaining why I’m saying this. In fact, I don’t want to spill out too many personal facts to random people.
But I was a victim of workplace politics and bullying in all the places I worked. Because of this I’m now unemployed. My mom is constantly harassing me at home as to why I never went to get an engineering job and how I’m ineligible for marriage because of this. I never had much luck with girls before and had a girlfriend in my first office. But she left me after making false promises of marriage and having sex with me multiple times. I later learned that she was cheating on many guys with me and also cheating on me as well and was a nymphomaniac. Later I did try to date some of my female friends only to get either brutally rejected or used in a similar way for money, sex etc. But nobody ever showed me any empathy at all.
When I was a child (about 6 to 7 years of age maybe) I was beaten up by a teacher who used wooden and metallic scales on my hands and legs and left me standing on the bench with pain. She didn’t even let me go to the bathroom or drink water. And you know why she did this? Well it was because she wanted to make an example of me and show everyone what will happen if they are disobedient. But the irony is I wasn’t disobedient at all. In fact, I was the most attentive boy in class. My eyesight suddenly started blurring during that time due to which I couldn’t see what the teacher was writing on the board. This caused me to often make mistakes which only made this one person harrass and beat me even more. I was a child so I couldn’t understand what was happening and I just had to go through all the suffering.